Riding a bus, I find myself staring at passing cars
wondering “What type of car is the most ideal to survive horde of zombies?”
then it hit me. I’m infected! I’m infected with the zombie-apocalyptic-age-mania
virus!
Well, who isn’t? Left4dead, dawn of the dead, zombieland,
return of the living dead, 28 days later, Shaun of the dead, the walking dead (which
is now on the brink of starting their third season) and even Plants vs. Zombies
kick-started this craze about the undead grazing your backyard—fought by
dancing plants shooting peas, tearful walnuts, and exploding cherries and
jalapenos, in search for “BRAAAAAAIIINS”. And now there’s this upcoming movie…
WARM BODIES. Right. Thanks, Google… about a zombie version of Edward Cullen that
would probably ruin my perfect image of zombies as Twilight had done with
vampires.
Ammunitions, painkillers, sufficient food supply and health
pack aren’t really the words I encounter in my everyday life. I used to lock my
windows because I was afraid someone would try to burglarize our home and not
because a multitude of literally brainless walking corpses would try to grab my
ankle, rip off skin and gorge on my internal organs. I used to be easily
grossed out in a sight of a dead rat ran over by a cab, but after overexposing
myself from these eerie creatures, even if I walk across a decapitated mammal
on the road gushing with blood and internal organs scattered in the ground, I’d
probably just sidestep, cover my nose and be like, “meh”. Wait; perhaps I’d be alarmed
that MAYBE somewhere nearby there’s a ravenous zombie wandering, muttering
“BRAAAAAAIIINS” and I’m like a sitting duck out in the open.
But thanks to Rick Grimes’ tutorial, (spoiler alert, watch
out!) I learned that [a] you can easily fool a zombie by rubbing internal
organs from some rotten cadaver in the middle of an alley all over your body,
walking slowly and blending in. Well, unless there’s a Howard Stern looking
“walker” in the swarm of zombies. That one is really scrutinizing creature in
whatever form he is. [b] Zombies, like the cast of Final Destination franchise
are live version of happy tree friends’ characters. If you’re out of ammo, just
make sure to hit the head, even a stick would come in handy. Skulls aren’t as
hard as I once thought. [c] When you lose one of member of your crew in the
middle of a zombie attack, (especially a kid) don’t try to find him/her, you’ll
just waste a whole season, more people and ammunitions in that search only to
find out she/ he is dead. Surprise, surprise.
And then, there is my left4dead training [code name: Zimmer550]
that taught me about the hierarchy of zombies. The average zombies, the
totally disgustingly bloating boomer, the smoker, the hunter (which probably
were comprised of parkour experts, Jackie chan wannabies and gymnasts in their
past life), the witch (the zombie version of overly attached girlfriend), the
tanker (which looks like the stone man in fantastic four and are probably the
mutated and zombified WWE superstars)
Nuff said. It’s really a crazy world we live in. There are
billions of possibilities. Who knows? Maybe in the parallel universe, this
world we live in is ACTUALLY overrun by zombies where lives either my zombie or
badass survivor version. Nah. Well, the thing about this craze that pulls us
into it is its unrealistic nature. It’s never gonna happen but it felt like it
has a possibility of happening in the so called “end time”, it’s more like
fantasy mixed up with a little bit of reality.
Well, I guess I’d be ending this here. I’d just go outside
to zombie-proof our house. Find a car… or a horse left unattended. Remember.
Watch your back.
P.S.
We’re all infected.
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